Ghost Host (Foyer) - When hinges creak, in doorless chambers...When strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls...Whenever candlelights flicker, where the air is deathly still; that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror, with ghoulish delight!

(In the Stretch Room) - Welcome, Foolish Mortals, to the Haunted Mansion! I am your host, your "ghost host." Our tour begins here, in this gallery, here where you see paintings of some of our guests, as they appeared in their "corruptible," mortal state. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There's no turning back now... Your cadaverous palour betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis! Is this Haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm? And consider this dismaying observation;
This chamber has no windows, and no doors. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! ....

Of course, there's always my way...

CRASH!

(In the Load Area) - Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely! The real chills come later. Now, as they say, "look alive", and we'll continue our little tour, and lets all stay together, please...

(In the doombuggy) - Do not pull down on the safety bar please, I will lower it for you. Heed this warning, the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated, at all times. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please, we spirits are frightfully sensitive, to bright lights...

(In the library) - Our library is well stocked with priceless first editions, only ghost stories of course. And marble busts of the greatest ghost writers the literary world has ever known...

(In the music room) - They have all retired here to the Haunted Mansion, actually we have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand... Any volunteers?... If you should decide to join us, final arrangements may be made at the end of the tour...

(In the parlor) - We find it delightfully "unlivable" here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills!... Ssshhh, listen...

Madame Leota -
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat
call in the spirits wherever they're at!
Rap on a table, its time to respond,
send us a message from somewhere beyond!
Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween
awaken the spirits with your tambourine!
Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond
let there be music from regions beyond!
Wizards and witches wherever you dwell
give us a hint by ringing a bell!...

Ghost Host (Ballroom) - The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations, and are beginning to materialize... They're assembling for a swinging wake, and they'll be expecting me... I'll see you all a little later...

Grim Grinning Ghosts -
When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a swinging wake
Happy haunts materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

Now don't close your eyes and don't try to hide
Or a silly spook may sit by your side
Shrouded in a daft disguise
They pretend to terrorize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes
Start to shriek and harmonize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell
Restless bones etherealize
Rises spooks of every size
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

Ghost Host (crypt) - Aaahh, there you are! And just in time, there's a little matter I forgot to mention: Beware of hitchhiking ghosts! They have selected you to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return!

Grim Grinning Ghosts -
If you would like to join our jamboree
There's a simple rule that's compulsory
Mortals pay a token fee
Rest in peace; the haunting's free
So hurry back we would like your company!

Little Leota - Hurry back, hurry back. Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now. We've been dying... to have you...